New American Flag

Home

The new flag concept, courtesy of Adbusters.

•The New Flag: Logos and Stripes•

Move over, Betsy Ross, there’s a new seamstress in town, with lots of cash to throw around, and lots of children on sewing machines all over the Third World and America. Like the current flag, the new one will be impossible to burn.

Let’s face it, the old Stars and Stripes is way past due for an update. The quaint idea that we have a flag with fifty stars representing each of the states in our American federation is, quite frankly, a dusty old anachronism. In today’s modern world people, and the states in which they reside, are no longer the equal partners of the federal government; they are hollowed out vessels into which our most valuable and valued people, corporations, now inhabit and run things. 

What we now have are the fifty vassal states of America, who must show obeisance to the multinational corporations who make our wonderful consumerist lifestyles possible. Without these corporations, who now inhabit every facet of our lives, virtual and otherwise, we would wither and die on the vine of mediocrity. By forcing us all to compete with one another, thus allowing the cream to rise to the top, we’ve enabled hundreds of people to become billionaires, with thousands more rising to the status of millionaires. And this also applies to our subservient friends in the Americas, north and south.

Mixed metaphors aside, the Senator thus proposes making the flag a living monument to wealth and status by annually putting each of the thirty slots on the new flag up to the highest bidders. Each year we will find out just which corporations are worthy of the name super-patriot by garnering a slot on our national ensign. Their donations to the treasury would naturally be in lieu of any taxes which, quite naturally, should be paid be the less-worthy people at the bottom of the food chain.